Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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