So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
