That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
