so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
