I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
