Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
