Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You were trust falling into bushes
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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