Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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