how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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