im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
