You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I need to calm my uterus...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
