She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
