dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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