i think my tv is drunk
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
