i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
