You just made me feel so damn special
So drunk its hurt
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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