How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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