I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
