"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
