Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
