Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
