what day is it and did you see me today?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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