just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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