I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Still dying that you shit outside
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
my poor anus
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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