Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
God, you're like boner-b-gone
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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