He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
