there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
