he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
