Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
