Heybabeimwearingurpanties
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
