look no pants
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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