this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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