You were right. It hurts to walk today.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
