remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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