I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
someone owes me an orgasm
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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