I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
