Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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