I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
