I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
