When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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