After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
