dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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