Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
