Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Pappa wants mamma naked
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
