and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
