After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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