You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
