You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
