Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
