im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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