Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
