I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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