Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
