Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
