the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This house was built for laser tag.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
