you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
