Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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